Note: I’m making this post sticky (hence the “Featured” flag), because it’s the one I edit the most often. I’ll keep adding new ones at the top as I find them. There is nothing erudite here; these just all cracked me up. (Also this post is PG-13, or maybe R, depending on how you feel about the existence of a certain word that begins with c. And I don’t mean “corgi”.)
February 24, 2023: Playing Rage Against the Machine’s ‘Killing in the Name’ on Slide Guitar Against a Gorgeous Montana Backdrop (h/t Lyra who posted this on Facebook).
Also February 24, 2023: On this day [in] 1313: Scots forces disguised as cows seize castle from English
February 23, 2023: Backlogging! Corgi-sized meteor as heavy as 4 baby elephants hit Texas – NASA. h/t to Jenn Huff, who posted this to Facebook with the comment “Today in ‘Americans will use any unit of measurement other than metric’!” Another news outlet said this meteor was “only about two feet wide but weighed as much as seven full kegs of beer”.
September 19, 2022: Doctors in Ireland remove 55 batteries from woman’s stomach and gut
March 21, 2022: Elon Musk’s Starlink satellites are helping Ukraine’s elite drone unit destroy Russian tanks and trucks in the night. There’s a whole series of stories after this about the role of Starlink in Ukraine and Elon Musk’s thoughts about it. I am a little bit torn about posting this one because it might seem to make light of the war, which is not my intention. In this specific case, I’m just here for the agglutination of unexpected words.
February 27, 2022: Dolly Parton wants Taco Bell to bring back the Mexican pizza
From 2017 but I saw it on February 1, 2022: Depeche Mode call Richard Spencer a ‘c***’ after white supremacist branded them ‘official band of the alt-right’. Extra points for the URL replacing “c***” with “c-word”.
From July 2016 but I saw it on Jan. 28, 2022: Scientists fight crab for mysterious purple orb discovered in California deep. I too would fight scientists for a mysterious purple orb. #TeamCrab.
January 13, 2022: Machine Gun Kelly Proposed To Megan Fox Under The Very Banyan Tree Where They Drank Each Other’s Blood. I hesitate to add the awareness of this relationship to anyone’s mental health landscape, but it is Peak Celebrity Mad Libs.
December 30, 2021: Woman caught with knives hidden in Darth Vader teddy bear
From 2018 but posting Sept. 2, 2021: Why the Heck Do So Many Koalas Have Chlamydia? I didn’t see this story in 2018. I saw it just now because it came up on a thread from the (highly recommended) Facebook group “Crap wildlife photography.”
July 28, 2021: The Green Knight is This Summer’s Best Medieval Meditation on Death. With this headline, Vanity Fair seems to be implying that there is a plethora of medieval meditations on death hitting the screens this summer. I skimmed through the article (with semi-closed eyes, as I haven’t seen this movie and I want to) and saw no mentions of other medieval meditations on death. Get it together, Vanity Fair. Continue reading Real Headlines that Sound Like Mad Libs