I would like to retract my accusation that Netflix are a bunch of slackers for not telling me when Battlestar Galactica Season Three will be available. I think something much more sinister is afoot, far above the Netflix sphere of influence. Here’s my best guess:
Something went badly wrong with the DVD-burning process, and the series master files accidentally got inscribed onto golden disks instead.[1] So now instead of getting to see it on TV, we have to wait for it to be painstakingly translated out of some Caprican hieroglypic dialect using a pair of 3-D glasses (except, of course, for the first two episodes, which will be lost when the translator takes them to show to a financial backer). Once they are all transcribed, traveling pairs of actors wearing white shirts and black ties will cycle door-to-door and act the episodes out for us.
I’m not going to link to any of the “Battlestar Galactica/Church of Latter Day Saints Parallels” sites because the ones I could find weren’t very scholarly and/or had eye-watering starfield backgrounds. But when Baltar and Starbuck ring my doorbell, I’ll know I was right.
[1] Either that, or Universal Studios are a bunch of money-grubbers who have me thinking “boycott” because they’re not going to release Season 3 until after the Battlestar movie (called “Razor”, apparently) comes out in November. I believe this solely on the basis of reviews posted on Amazon.com. I would love to have some kind of press statement from Universal confirming or denying, but their website is utterly silent on the matter. I would get Will to TiVo the movie, except that I won’t want to see it, because I haven’t seen Season Three yet. Dammit.